Redemptive Suffering Pt. 1

When I was bed-ridden, I had involuntary spasms on the whole right side of my body - my throat, chest, back, hand and leg. The spasms in my throat made it almost completely impossible for me to eat and drink. As a result, I lost a lot of weight! At the same time, I had problems breathing if I sat up straight or if I laid flat on bed because of the discomfort the spasms on the right side of my chest would cost. I could only breathe properly when I was propped up to sit at an angel of 45 degrees.

The involuntary spasms I had on my hand and leg went off at the slightest of triggers possible. Once my body went into spasms, it used to take some time before the spasms subside and each episode of spasms were truly painful and energy-draining.Due to the fact that my right hand was clawed and my right toe was upright, physiotherapists had to force my hand open on a daily basis to ensure my bones do not harden in those undesirable positions. In order to do that, a few physiotherapists had to hold me down while the others force my fingers open. Such care was needed because the involuntary spasms were so vigorous. Even with 6-8 physiotherapists and others seeing to me, some of them used to fall back onto the floor because of the impact of the spasms.

The memories of these experiences itself bring a lot of pain and discomfort to me. In addition, there was one time when a group of physiotherapists and occupational therapists made me exercise at the edge of the bed which they elevated. Inadvertently, I fell off the bed and went into spasms, convulsions for a horrific 30 minutes. While I was in this state, those therapists stood by, laughing. It was probably because they thought I was psychosomatic but it is evident that they were just psychopaths.

In hindsight, after spending a lot of time in prayer, adoration and study of Jesus' road to Calvary - the scientific evidence of His sufferings on Calvary, I realize that the pain and energy-draining as well as torture and humiliation I suffered from spasms, convulsions were just a small foretaste of Jesus sufferings.

When the Roman Soldiers nailed his hands to the cross, Jesus' hands would have gone into spasms/convulsions because that is the body's natural reaction to foreign objects being forced through the body. The same thing happened when His feet were nailed to the cross.

Once on the cross, hanging on the Cross, Jesus was dying not from bleeding but from suffocating. In order to get a breath, He would need to pull himself up against the weight of the nails on His hands. What I experienced, the inability to breathe when laying down or sitting upright but only when I was at an angle of 45 degrees, was only a small foretaste of Jesus on that cross.

Even when I did not know it, Jesus knew my suffering but I cannot go back to that time. In the here and now, I can offer up those sufferings, the painful memory of those sufferings to Him. These painful memories are coupled with a real sense of fear and trauma as a result of the painful experiences but Jesus revealed to me that I can take these painful memories and unite it to His sufferings on the Cross because I am part of the mystical body of Christ but to what end am I doing this? What does all this mean?

St.John Paul the Great spoke about the power of redemptive suffering, "The Gospel of Suffering is being written unceasingly, and it speaks unceasingly with the words of this strange paradox: the springs of divine power gush forth precisely in the midst of human weakness." St. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, "but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me"

St.John Paul the Great firmly believed that the goal is not merely for suffering to be accepted, but for it to be victorious:

"A source of joy is found in the overcoming of the sense of the uselessness of suffering, a feeling that is sometimes very strongly rooted in human suffering. This feeling not only consumes the person interiorly, but seems to make him a burden to others. The person feels condemned to receive help and assistance from others, and at the same time seems useless to himself. The discovery of the salvific meaning of suffering in union with Christ transforms this depressing feeling. Faith in sharing in the suffering of Christ brings with it the interior certainty that the suffering person "completes what is lacking in Christ's afflictions"; the certainty that in the spiritual dimension of the work of Redemption he is serving, like Christ, the salvation of his brothers and sisters. Therefore he is carrying out an irreplaceable service. . .It is suffering, more than anything else, which clears the way for the grace which transforms human souls. Suffering, more than anything else, makes present in the history of humanity the powers of Redemption"

In essence, by uniting our sufferings to that of Christ's on the Cross, our otherwise useless(and inevitable) sufferings, are made useful! Our sufferings are elevated to become channels for unprecedented graces to flow and become a great tool for the salvation of souls including our own! My invitation to you is to unite whatever sufferings you endure to Christ so that it can be made victorious!

To my brothers and sisters who suffer from paralysis, cancer, kidney failure, anxiety, depression, loss of a loved one or the fear of losing a loved one, loneliness, fear of a relapse or trauma from past abuses etc. , I not only assure you of my prayers but I join JPII in pleading with you to offer up your sufferings for the salvation of souls and channeling of graces. Your prayers can reach out to extents where the prayers, words and actions of others can't. You can allow God to transform your helpless state into a helpful one by being of service(an irreplaceable service, that is!) to others through the great act of redemptive suffering. God loves you and is closer to you than the air you breathe. The reality is this; it is still hard to “offer it up” but there is good news, Jesus is so gracious that He has made ways for it to be easier for us to do so. We will take a look at this in the next articles. For now, I would like to end with a quote from Mother Theresa:

"Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that he can kiss you"